Therapist Says These Are Only 2 Ways To Know If You’re With The Right Person

According to Skidmore, we feel confused because we don’t know if feeling resistance is our gut or instinct trying to help us out, or if it’s just another way that our “unconscious relationship wounds” are preventing us from experiencing intimacy and being close with someone who might be a wonderful partner. But asking yourself two questions can make it all a little easier and help put the situation into perspective, figuring out if it’s time to finally settle down and commit or move on from the relationship.

1. Is It Safe For Me To Expose My Vulnerabilities To This Person?

We all must reveal our wounds to our partners so that they can understand us properly. Triggers exist in all relationships (romantic ones and friendships), and they will always come up for us—the past never really disappears. In a healthy relationship, we should consider whether we feel comfortable revealing these triggers without fear of attack or fear that they will destroy the relationship. Instead of destroying everything you’ve built, being vulnerable in this way should bring you closer and help you grow.

Trust is a major part of this process. If you can’t assume that your partner will be compassionate towards your deepest feelings, flaws, and insecurities, it might be a red flag that you don’t feel emotionally safe, which is an essential part of any long-term relationship.

Remaining in a relationship where you don’t feel emotionally safe can be extremely painful and will hinder years of potential growth. A safe space is a must-have for people to deal with the triggers and not only confront them but transform them. Another way to phrase the question is to ask yourself if the relationship gives you the chance to heal your wounds, or if it keeps them open and encourages an addiction to toxic drama or chaotic tendencies.

2. Does This Relationship Let You Love Yourself?

While we all dream of finding love in a soulmate, the most important person to love is yourself. Who you are when you’re with your partner is a major indicator of whether you should be with them or not. We’ve all known people who change when they’re in a relationship, and while change isn’t a negative thing in and of itself, the question to ask is: Is it a good or bad change?

According to marriage and family therapist Louise Armstrong, negative changes can occur if you’re desperate for a partner’s validation. Yearning for attention and praise creates a basis for unhealthy neediness.

That’s why self-love is so important—find that validation within yourself instead of looking outward! Relationships are about choosing the right version of yourself more than they are about choosing your perfect partner. Do you like who you are when you’re with this person? Introspection can be scary, but it’s also an eye-opener. Does the relationship seem like a duty you should fulfil but don’t truly desire? Or does it feel like a fresh perspective you’ve been craving?

Relationships can act as a foundation for self-examination and self-awareness, which are two critical factors in helping you figure out if you’re in the right relationship. By asking yourself these questions (and being honest about them), you’re not just setting yourself up for success romantically. You’re learning more about yourself, which never has a downside.